Well, this post isn't really media related, but then neither was the last one, this is my video editor's quest blog, but as my life is mainly skiing and editing... yeah, anyway.
I find it a lot easier to write my feelings etc, I write stories and a lot of song lyrics, well I used to, to deal with stuff.
So...
I had been wondering how this weekend would go, in the back of my mind. Because of the two people that I was going with, one is my boyfriend Chris and the other one is a guy called Richard who I met in '06 and fell for big time.
I thought now I was with Chris I would have no feelings for Richard but apparently they're still there. I love Richard on some level - special friends I think. He's also attractive 'n' all that. But him 'n' me will never be together for a few reasons, mainly that he doesn't feel the same way about me. He likes me as a friend and finds me physically attractive, but doesn't feel for me the way I do for him. This makes me sad, but at the same time, it's good, in a cruel way. We are also at different stages in our lives, and we'd annoy each other easily, and there is an age gap... but hey. We are great mates and that is a great thing. Let's focus on the positives etc.
So yes, this weekend has been hell for me to be honest... wanting to be with both Richard and Chris - not at the same time I hasten to add!! lol. My brain apparently will never reeeeally get over Richard but I think this weekend kicked it into touch a bit.
So yeah, it has been very hard, and I spent a lot of time feeling so awfully guilty for having doubts about my feelings to both parties. But Richard has gone away again now, so things can go back to normal, hopefully I can move on.
Just need college to get over and out of the way and get some edit/runner jobs!!!
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