Kingdom of Jules

Stuck.

2010-12-20T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, so...
I hate myself and my work, is the net result of everything so far. I don't know anyone or anything in Leeds, I have no money, everyone at work thinks I am a knob and a weirdo basically. I am FUCKING MISERABLE.
One of the only people from work to ever actually give a shit about me had a drunken convo with me last night. Basically everyone at work thinks I'm a knob and a weirdo. He had a point though, I don't listen to people and I interrupt. I hate myself, I do it all the time, I can't stop it, it's just ingrained. I don't know what to do. I just want out. I would leave tomorrow if I didn't have a minimum term on my housing here. I just want to go home to my mates who like me for who I am, and not have to be around a bunch of closed-minded idiots my age. They are closed minded. Yes I interrupt and don't listen but it's not just that, I'm different and they don't fucking accept me.
My knife is next to me and today I have been more tempted than ever to self harm. But my friend called me instead and is helping me see the wood from the trees. Or whatever that saying is. I'm going to do something constructive. Apply to TV companies in Leeds and find out if I can leave my accommodation early. If I can I want to go home and start again. Get some part time cleaning work or something like that, volunteer on my old tutor's radio station, and pass my driving test. Start again and get into TV. Get back into what I LOVE. I didn't really get on with anyone in my first TV job but there it didn't matter because I was in the industry that I loved. I got on so well with everyone at the BBC. I fucking miss it so bad and wish I could go back. I miss London, I miss my friends, I miss my old life.
If I stay here in this job and situ it will drive me to self harm or something, everyone says I am strong but I'm not this strong, I'm not supposed to be having to be this strong for the sake of money or something stupid.
I need to sort my shit out.

Back on the piste!

2010-11-16T11:13:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, both ski runs, and the strip fencers fence on, are called a 'piste' (pronounced peest) It is in fact a French word, meaning track, run, road etc. And fencing has its roots in France, so it's no wonder it involves French words such as piste, and other 'old French' words such as 'en garde in sixte, quarte, octave, septime...' and yes I find it very challenging to remember which is which! However no matter what language I speak (or don't speak!) I was exceedingly glad to hear 'En garde... Allez!' for the first time in nearly two months, and to brandish my foil at my opponent, and fence!! Yes, I am back at it! At Leeds fencing club, to be precise. A lovely club full of people who are kind and have a good sense of humour, which is what I was looking for. I'm never going to be an amazing fencer, but I do like to have fun!

This morning, I ached like HELL, but it was so good, and I felt so good last night too. I am so glad to be back on the piste again. I can't wait for next week, but if Sunday is anything to go by, I shall have to resist the urge to take my foil to work and fence them all senseless!

Jules xx

All good!

2010-10-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

Had a good day - smashed sales total of yesterday and manager had a chat with me and totally put my mind at rest. Work was followed up by a good ski session with my mate from work and her friend, it was a right giggle, and I fell for once - looked like a snowman!
Only bad thing was I had to lug all my ski gear home and I have really bad cramp in my legs - but I feel great and am looking forward to tomorrow!

Jules xx

All change!!

2010-10-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a while!!
Massive epic fail from me, couldn't get on the net at my new place, then realised I hadn't put the password in in capitals and it was... god I swore, lol!!
So now! I work as a sales assistant in the ski department of Ellis Brigham! Not quite telly but I love skiing and it's money and I get free time on the slopes!
Just like in London, I am having a hard time adjusting and work is tough too, not settling 100% and when I got home and microwaved a potato I burst into tears when part of it burnt - getting used to a new place, a new city, is horrible, it's worse than London, I don't know where anything is!
Everyone on the bus is dead helpful though when I don't know where to get off though. I live in Leeds, it's scary up North. My flatmates are really cool, both of them are out tonight so I am banging the tunes out by myself. Cba with the telly.
Yeah I don't feel too wanted in my department at work and I've hardly had any footbed fitting/making training, so they can't expect me to be doing it all cos I can't do it well enough, so they can't blame me for not selling as much - they took the piss cos I had the lowest sale total today... :(
Very mixed my life is, at the moment.

Rare happiness and possible progess :)

2010-10-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

Hello to anybody out there!
Yes, I have been bad, I haven't updated for ages. Why? Well simply, I've been very depressed and feeling like nothing is worth it and life is pointless.
That changed yesterday though. For a start, instead of blanket thick cloud and rain, it was sunny with blue skies! Now trust me, the weather DOES affect moods, and this bad weather was not helping my depression. But yesterday it was a good day for once, and the mother had taken the day off work, hell bent on going flying.
When we took off from the airfield, it felt fabulous. I have being flying since I was -9 months old, and you know what, it NEVER gets any less exciting or amazing, and I am incredibly lucky to be able to do it, because I can't afford it myself. But today felt different. As supposed to the usual exhilaration of take-off, I felt like I was rising above everything bad, flying on the wind to a better place... etc etc etc. It felt great!
Soon after we took off mum handed over control and I was flying. I've been able to level the plane off and turn it/fly straight and level for yonks now, but it's always awesome to grab the stick and say the words 'I have control.' Amazing!!
Our plan was to head North to a coastal airfield, but that was halted after ten minutes as we flew up to a massive bank of cloud! We're not IMC rated (i.e. able to fly with low or no visibility) so we can't fly through the cloud, nor do we have the instruments for it. Frustratingly, the cloud was too low to fly under safely, so we had to turn back.
It wasn't all bad though. For a while I've been learning to land the plane in case I need to should the pilot be incapacitated. And just because I wanted to for myself - I like a challenge! I've taken it right down to just above the ground before but never landed it - it's very hard and takes a lot of judgement.
Starting on my approach though, I had more confidence than usual. The sun was shining, the wind was less than a whisper, and I was right on target for the runway. Taking a bit of instruction from mum, but I was flying the plane by myself. The descent went well, I was bang on with my throttle control and height. I can't really remember what happened next really well! I remember saying firmly to mum 'I can handle this' , and then I'm yelling 'TROUGH!!' as I thought I was gonna hit the trough to the right of the runway! I remember a 'snapshot' of green grass and trough on my right, and then an actually very smooth bump, and we were rolling along the runway. I was unsure as to whether mum had grabbed the controls at the last minute, but it felt all my own work... I turned to mum and said 'did I do that?' and she said it was all my own landing. I just started shouting YESSSSSS!!!!!!! and laughing my head off like a looney, and I was panting and shaking like a leaf and my legs were like jelly but I was so exhilarated. First landing!! And yes when I got out I kissed the ground!!

Anyway after that we went onto a nature reserve which was lovely because I saw some rare birds including pochards (ok not so rare but they don't live on my village pond!) and a white egret! Just before I saw the white egret (and luckily in the ONLY place in the reserve with phone reception) I got a phonecall inviting me for a job interview with Ellis Brigham!

Excellent stuff! Awesome day! Anyone who knows me will know I love skiing and I'm quite technical and love my gear etc, so I would really like this job. Really really really!
But, it's not TV, I hear you say! Yes but it's something I'd enjoy and it's WAY better than being on the dole, and I urgently need to save up again. I will get back into TV when the chance comes along, but this job sound great and would be awesome. And I need to save up to go on a wildlife video editing course, which would be EPIC.
So tomorrow is my job interview and then straight after I go on holiday for a week with my wonderful boyfriend. Jules is happy again and I can't tell you how damn good it feels to be free of the depression, no matter how brief the respite.

Love to you all,
Jules xx

Bad news

2010-09-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

Finally got the rejection e-mail from my dream company... not even invited to interview... kinda gutted. I have enough experience etc. I guess all they want is local people and graduates. What's the f**king point? I'm a girl from a tiny village in the East Midlands, and I don't have a degree cos I don't want to waste 3 years building up debt and writing essays, only to start making sodding cups of tea and coffee. Do you really need a degree to be a runner? Really? Is it fucking necessary to have a degree to make drinks and carry tapes about? Is it fuck. And my location doesn't help too. It's a wonder I don't just give up totally already. What more does this industry want from me? I'm not superwoman, I just wish I could have a chance, but no matter how hard I try, it goes wrong or it doesn't happen.

Bollocks to it.

More Monotony

2010-09-03T06:02:00.000-07:00

I've applied for more post production runner jobs and still not heard back from the dream company - 2 weeks later. Not even a yay or nay. I'm giving up hope. I want my career, I do, but it's being drowned in the shitty reality of this modern world.

I'm hungry, but I'm not going to have food yet. I need to learn to control my eating. 3 square, healthy meals a day and no snacking. I have pitiful willpower and it gets me down even more. :(

Jules xx

Waiting waiting waiting!

2010-09-01T03:31:00.000-07:00

I hate waiting, oh deary me I am not very good at being patient, so imagine this. I'm into my second week of waiting to see if I've got a runner's job at my dream company. Well it's reality and warrrrgh, I want to know the answer, either way!! Fingers crossed!!

On the other side, I really hate writing covering letters. I just can't seem to talk about myself and say why I want to work for a company without feeling like a total and utter prick! :(

I had a nice weekend with my boyfriend, we went hiking in the Peak District, got the train to Hathersage, hiked up to and aong Stanage Edge and back. It was nice but all a bit "let's keep moving" because if we missed the train we wouldn't get home until 11pm. The long weekend was nice too, but... meh. It's the classic "it's not him, it's me." I think the reason it was all a little meh is because I am actualy fairly depressed right now. I need to see the doctors about a diet and exercise plan, and although I really don't want to, I might go and see them about my depression. When you feel like you're useless, fat, ugly, slow, thick and the world is laughing at you and there is no point to anything, it's time to get help.

I love TV, I love working in it, but I'm so mired in the depression of unemployment and living in the middle of sodding nowhere, that I can't see the wood for the trees. :(

Jules xx

Job hunting again!

2010-08-10T04:05:00.001-07:00

So off I go, applying for jobs... anyone got any tips on writing covering letters? I hate it, I can never get it to sound good, I always think I sound like a tit!

On another note, please check out the keyboard playing/composing of my friend Clare (whom I am making videos of her falconry for her!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AM_LA73dks&feature=related

Cheers!
Jules xx

Argh, London!!

2010-08-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

Job is going ok. Really quite repetetive, replacing titles, credits and clips.
Very frustrating software issues too. Feel like hitting the damn Mac with a hammer.
London is shit. Way too busy, way too hot, and this youth hostel is full of noisy oiks and there's a sodding opera next door.
Tomorrow is my last day then on Saturday morning I get out of here - WHOOHOO!!!!
Today was made slightly better by seeing the cutest fuzziest littlest moorhen chick EVER here at the hostel, and by getting the new Pendulum album. Hopefully going to see them on tour in December!!
Yeah this job has been great experience/CV wise but I can't wait to get out of London and not come back! Applying for other cities!!
Jules xx

Of Photo Scanning, Reversioning and Dyscalculic Attacks

2010-08-03T13:45:00.000-07:00

Hmmm so today started well - got some better quality behind the scenes footage so edited that down. Nice. Then I had to scan a LOT of pictures in and crop them resize for HD etc. Really boring repetetive work but this is the reality of TV work as a junior, people!!

Anyway, finally in late afternoon I got started on reversioning Peppa Pig. Without going into detail, there is a series of things I have to do on each episode. At first I kept forgetting one thing, I know it's because I am getting used to it but then I realised I was saving the exports in the wrong damn folders. I also told my boss editor a clip was wrong, but it was me mixing the clip numbers up - F**KING DYSCALCULIA. Grrrrrrrrrr!! So after a lot of false starts I hope I can remember exactly what to do and do it fast and well.
Finished the day off by getting all the way down a busy Regent Street while wanting to flatten the stupid amount of humanity that were milling around me, then getting a text saying I'd left my phone charger in the office. Wargh!! Go back, get it, jump on bus home as tube is packed out again. Bah.
F**king hate Regent Street and London in summer. Too hot; too full of people and no cheap food for normal people like me that aren't high-flying rich yuppie city earners. Bah!! I need a Tesco.
Today I was the statue, tomorrow I'm gonna be the pigeon!!! And I still want to work in TV - I promise :D :D :D :D

Jules xx

First day as an assistant editor!

2010-08-02T13:33:00.001-07:00

I wasn't actually working on Peppa Pig etc - I was digitising and cutting a 'behind the scenes' DVD extra for an old animation called The Big Knights. All fairly easy, slightly time-consuming, digitising is dull it has to be admitted but great work. The people I work with are cool and the place is chilled. Is all awesome!! Can't wait for more!!
Jules xx

Waaaaargh!!

2010-08-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

Less than 24 hours to the assistant editor job.... sooooo nervous and looking forward to it soooo much!! Will keep you updated on how it goes.

I'm not in the best state tbh, my food is going through me like an F1 car, I'm permanently too hot, very very tired, bit ill, so a good night's sleep tonight in preparation for tomorrow!!

While we're here I'm going to reccomend my friend's blog she's just started, Life: Answers Not Included She's a very talented writer and I have worked with her for a couple of years now. Enjoy!!

Oh, and I saw a squirrel running off with a donut in Holland Park today! Gotta love London!

Jules xx

Getting started again!

2010-07-20T08:46:00.001-07:00

I may have an assistant editor's job for a week in London. Cannot describe how excited I am. An awesome opportunity. Reeeally looking forward to it. :D

Jules xx

Another setback...

2010-07-08T11:06:00.001-07:00

Quit my outdoor instructor job,

To tell the truth I'm not toooooo bothered cos I wasn't having a fab time on the job. Working with the kids is ok but I can't stand the 'social life', being at work 24/7, not being able to go home, being stuck in the bubble etc. I am glad to be away from it, it's just not for me.

So now I'm after a job in TV again - back to square 1!!!!! I have missed TV so much and no matter what I still won't give up on my dreams! My mum won't let me anyway :/ next time she nags me I am off to live in a tent in the woods!! (Only joking.)

Peace and love,
Jules

Life: all change please!!

2010-05-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

What happened to me since my last blog post? Nothing, because Red Bee never got back to my boss about the work. With a worsening situation where I lived, and hating being on benefits and alone, I decided it was time for a real change. I started applying to be an adventure activity instructor.

On Friday 28th May I start work with JCA as an Activity Instructor for 4 months. I will be living on whichever camp I get sent to. Sharing a room - apprehensive about that, I am very much an only child and need my own space to retreat into. However, I got on so well with all the people I met at interview, I am really excited about this, as well as being terrified! I will be teaching all kinds of sports and activities and I can't wait.

I don't think this is going to be that easy; socially I am going to find it very hard, for the first few weeks at least. All the arrangements are up in the air and I find it hard to deal with that. I'm looking at it as a fantastic learning experience in which I will learn to be a lot stronger and cope better, just as I did even when miserable in London - and hopefully, a chance to make some awesome friends and have some amazing times! And have FUN!

So yes, very nervous, but bring it on!! Plus it's money and a job and I don't have to worry about food and accommodation, it's included!

What's happening with your TV career, I hear you wonder? Well, I've not given up on it, and I never will. I'm just taking a break for the industry to recover. A fantastic job opportunity arose in London, but now I have moved out, I don't want to change my plans or give up on this adventure instructor job - I am 20, I have plenty of time - one thing I never used to accept - I am going to have fun and learn to be mature, grow up and handle things well now - TV can wait for the moment. But I'll be back.

Jules xx

So here we are... going nowhere.

2010-04-18T10:23:00.000-07:00

Still no work for me, Red Bee project got pushed back to May for now, I am fully expecing it to be pushed back again, in which case I think I will move home.

I have no direction, do not really know what I am living for, fed up with going nowhere, doing nothing...

On the other hand, I have volunteered for Scouts, and I am still loving my fencing, but I am so, so, so incredibly alone and it's killing me.

Feel pretty damn shit right now. And have a mammoth of housework etc...

Stand up to the media barons!

2010-03-11T02:04:00.000-08:00

I find it unbelievable that the BBC is going to make such huge cuts all because of pressure from the likes of Rupert Murdoch and his son. This lot are steadily poisoning all of the British media and I would hate to see them bring the country's greatest broadcast corporation to its knees. It's our BBC, as they're so fond of saying, so we need to stand up and fight off those who wish to hurt it.

If you haven't already done so, please sign the petition here http://blog.38degrees.org.uk/2010/03/02/save-the-bbc/

Epic 24 hours!

2010-02-28T15:11:00.000-08:00

So I went to film at this gig that someone at the BBC hooked me up with. His bro wanted camera ops. Anyway...

It was a dubstep/jungle music gig in a warehouse in Dalston. I had many preconceptions about this, basically I was all thinking it would be drugs and violence. Couldn't be further from the truth on the latter, and saw none of the former, although suspect a lot of people were under an influence of some kind! Everyone was so friendly and chatted to me, I couldn't believe it.

Anyway; the premise. Go to some backstreet place, in a random not too posh place, in London, late at night, till 4am, to film a gig with someone I have never met, in a place I have never been, of a music genre I'd never really heard of and deffo not a fan of. For nothing.

2 months ago I would have never on earth considered this, yet I found myself getting on the the bus, tube, and rail replacement bus to Dalston. Transport this weekend was a f**king nightmare - more on that later.

So the gig was pretty packed eventually. Full of smokers, so I was coughing for a good while after. It was mental. But we filmed loads. I got completely squashed in crowds with a sizeable Sony camera, but I did ok. The guy who I was filming for, Jonathan (who bears quite a resemblance to James MacKenzie, scarily) said 'I like you, you're fearless! You just dive in there and get in people's faces!' This isn't normally what I am like, but I had a job to do and footage to get. So jumping up on stage, wading into dancing crowds etc, it all gets done!

Finally at 4am it finished, I had survived, all my stuff was intact, I was intact. Jon's phone died so he stuck his sim card in mine and we ordered a cab to his. He lives in Peckham - that place has a rep - so we arrived there at about 5am finally. Made sure we had footage, had a coffee, I had my pot noodle that I'd brought, and then we passed out on the sofa. Woke up a little later and grabbed an hour's sleep - in seperate beds I hasten to add!! Then it was up at 8am - I awoke first, had no idea where I was and how I would get home - we had all the kit to return, before Jon had to catch a Eurostar at midday to see his girlfriend in France! This was compounded by utter travel woes - all the tube lines we needed were closed! After several buses and some waiting around, we delivered the kit back to the owner. Jon was now panicking about getting to the Eurostar, so we found a bus to Kings X and got him there.

After I saw him through departures I had to deliver a light to someone in Acton! Cue a bus to Paddington cos the hammersmith&city and central lines were out, and then a very quick train to Acton Mainline. Delivering the light was dead easy and quick - guy's place was very near the station and easy to find. Then it was back to Paddington, Bakerloo line to Central line, and Central line to Gants Hill to get a bus back to where I live. Unfortunately the bus stops were closed cos of roadworks so a wasted trip! Back on the tube and off to South Woodford on the other branch. Finally managed to pick a bus up - it's now 4pm and I am beyond tired and wonder how I stay awake. Get home and collapse into bed. Sleep 11 hours broken sleep from 6pm, and am amazed I survived. Want to kick London Transport in the balls repeatedly.

I don't think this taught me much in terms of technical filming skills, but the confidence I gained from doing all this in deep London and not dying etc is incredible. The other guy who was filming was cool - good to make aquaintences, and Jonathan seems to be a solid guy. But what I really gained from this will stand me in good stead for anything. I realise now what a protected soft life I lead until now. That's over now I live here. It was a bloody tough 24 hours, but I do not regret it. Life experience!

Jules xx

They think it's all over...

2010-02-25T15:43:00.000-08:00

...it is now.

The winter olympics are over for me and while I am as sad as expected I'm also incredibly glad and lucky I got the chance to be a part of it. I had such a great time, I learnt a lot and I met so many awesome people. From the edit shadowing with Euan to raving at 5am to soundman Pete's incidental cover tracks, from just making teas and coffees to being the only person in the BBC to notice someone was swearing live on air, it's been a wonderful experience and an educating one too. What have I got out of it? A little more technical knowledge, some more editing inspiration and tips on using Final Cut Pro, more knowledge about how live broadcasts, interactive and in particular the sound works, and some good advice from people on the industry in general. There's also some prospective volunteer camera work for the brother of one of the editors. I've learnt to handle nightshifts, and keep going even when I am exhausted, something I learnt at my old work and improved upon here. I've had a great laugh. I am missing it and the people so much right now and will miss them for some time more.

The best thing was at the end when the lady who runs the whole thing said I was definitely to keep in touch and she'd look at getting me on Winbledon and some more of the upcoming sports events. I just hope I can earn enough to stay in London until this happens!

Now I have a lot of mundane stuff to sort out - laundry etc - I have to finally decide on what skis I want, and buy them - and I have a lot of e-mails to send. I also need to apply to BBC Salford Quay...

Cheers,
Jules - missing work and people like hell :( xx

Work again!

2010-02-22T12:30:00.000-08:00

Only 3 nights left - gutted. I'm loving my time there. Everyone's a bit subdued and stuff now cos we're half way through and all sleep deprived and stuff, but they all remain great people and I'm going to really miss working with them. I had to go for a walk last night as was getting pretty depressed stuck in there. I went up to see a mate who was free for once (early finish for her team) and had a chat to her, so felt better! Overall it's great. Oh and I made the engineer jump again, by accident! Oops!

Work

2010-02-17T15:15:00.000-08:00

Work has been awesome. Everyone is lovely, really friend, we have a right laugh, and best of all, they encourage shadowing. I have been shadowing editors and learning about other roles too. It's been fantastic! Last night they even let me use one of the editing computers when the editor was done! I think they did it just to keep my quiet. It's not all good; I am too over-enthusiastic and stuff. I am also suffering from depression; the nightshifts and stuff are sending me haywire. I have 3 nights off now, but I want to go back now! Can't wait. Sod OFF depression, this should be the time of my life!

Day 2

2010-02-15T10:57:00.000-08:00

It was quieter than usual tonight. Even so, we had an overlap feed, where the feed is too long for a tape so we set another tape going to record the same feed just before the first tape runs out. Requires you to be on the ball, which I wasn't. The first one I missed by 2 seconds or so, the second one by half an hour... tonight shall be better!!
I am getting on well though, we had some good banter last night and everyone is lovely still, and I have been having great chats with an editor who said I might be able to get some editing in on his FCP when he's not using it, and he was really interested in what I'd done.
Tonight wasn't so good due to the fact my back kicked off really badly and it was in agony, so I couldn't walk about etc. Then the canteen food or whatever decided to give me a dodgy stomach. The pain and dodgy stomach resulted in me throwing up outside at 4am, and feeling like absolute s**t! After a painkiller and some rest and a drink of milk, I started feeling better at 5am. Shadowed some editing as nothing was going on, which was ace, and Colm the director said I could go home early. As it was before 6:30am I got a cab home which was great.
Just woken up in the dark which was horrible, and really depressing. Hopefully I will feel better later on tonight! At least I've slept more.

Jules xx

First day... night... something...

2010-02-14T11:21:00.000-08:00

First shift went great, except for my cab being late - just a misunderstanding. I'm very glad we're allowed cabs in the evening as I don't think anyone likes walking a while to a train station in the dark and pouring rain, and I can't drive yet, or afford a car!!

So, I arrived, got shown everything, and was straight into work. I have to record all the live feeds for legal purposes (e.g. if someone rang up and said someone swore on air but they actually didn't, we would have the recording to prove it.) It has a special term but I can't remember it for the life of me, one of those mental blocks I think!)

Everyone I work with is lovely and always up for a good chat unless they're ultra-busy. There's loads of us in the Broadcast Interactive area, there's everyone at the gallery monitoring/controlling the live feeds, there's a graphics guy who makes all the fancy titles e.g. Moguls skiing coming up, there's a sound control booth, there's a whole bank of screens in the back where all the shots/footage is logged, and there are three Final Cut Pro editing computers for editing video packages for web and broadcast, of highlights etc. They are in there for fast turnaround purposes.
There is also me, recording all the live feeds and making everyone drinks, and also handing the meal vouchers out!
There are a lot of us in there and it's very busy, and very occasionally we get in each other's way but everyone is fine. The only cross words that were had were with the one FCP editing machine (incidentally, the one fancy hired one!) that repeatedly crashed from about 4am, delaying the video packages for the website and generally being very very shite!!

I slept in the day time, woke up at 5:30pm convinced it was Monday morning, and finish my shift and start my next shit on the same day!! Mind-f**kery abound, but I am loving the work so far, great atmosphere and can't wait for tonight!!

Jules xx

3 days to go...

2010-02-09T14:45:00.000-08:00

...till ultimate sleep fuckery. I'm on the 11pm-7am shift which means I have to invert my sleeping completely if I want to be awale in the daylight. As if I don't have enough sleep troubles already! But I don't really care... I can't WAIT to get working! It doesn't seem real, to be honest. But come 9pm, I will be heading off to the train station to go into work, probably very nervous and very excited! Winter Olympics: Bring It On!!

Jules xx :D :D :D :D

YAAAAAY!!

2010-01-29T12:28:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I got the job as runner on the winter olympics!! I am SO SO HAPPY!!! :D :D :D :D

Jules xx

Direction please!!

2010-01-24T14:46:00.000-08:00

It's over half way through January and I have gone nowhere except backwards. Whereas before I was living happily ignorantly on my savings, I am having to really watch my money now, I'm in serious shit. I left college in June, and while I had always planned to take the 'summer holidays' time as a kind of mini gap year and relaxation, that seems a million years ago now. I just feel like I am wasting my life, not to mention my money, waiting for the BBC to actually give me some work.

I want to be excited about the course I am supposed to be going on on Friday which should mean I can work in the studios, but I dare not get excited in case it turns out that I'm not on the course, or that there isn't any work afterwards. I am praying that there will be, but I am really losing the hope and faith now. I lasted 2 weeks in a Soho house and now, life in its usual complete bastard fashion, has dangled my dream job in front of my nose, and yet kept it just out of my reach. All I want to do is get working. All I want is to be working in TV. Not because I want to be rich or famous - because it's what I love. It's the one thing I want in the world and I can't get it.

If I don't get work in February I will probably have to move home. Do you have any idea how much bullshit there is to swim through, and hoops to jump through, to claim benefits? Especially housing benefit?

I feel so disheartened. I know it's a bloody tough industry and I shouldn't give up, but it just seems that something out there is determined to make me pack it in, and keep me from what I love. But every time I think about throwing in the towel and trying for a 'normal' career in a shop or something, something stops me. Possibly it's just fear or cowardice, but it's keeping me here like an idiot, praying and waiting for some work.

I feel down now, but earlier today something great happened. I attended the volunteers briefing meeting for the London International Documentary Festival. At first I wasn't put in the video production team like I'd so very much wished for, but I spoke to Filip, the co-ordinator, and practically made him put me in the video production team. I guess he thought with me being so young I hadn't had any experience or didn't know much. Bollocks!
The thing was, everyone there was in their early or late twenties, and they were all in uni or had already gone through it. All the girls are dressed nicely, fashionably and smartly. BUT this time, in a social situation, I relaxed. I said 'what the fuck, I am me, I will go my own jeans'n'tshirt way. And you know what? We all got on great. It was brilliant. And my lack of uni was more than made up for when everyone found out I worked for the BBC. All these 23-25 year old graduates wanted the job I have. I'm not being cocky about this - I feel sodding lucky to have my BBC work experience let alone my job - but it was nice in a way because it all put us on an even level. We had a great chat in the meeting and in the pub afterwards, and I had to go early to see my friend, but when I got up to leave I put my Nightwish hoodie on, and Filip said they were one of his fave bands and we needed a chat sometime. Happy days!

They are a great bunch of people and I can't wait to get working on the festival. Now I just have to pray the BBC have work for me...

Remember, as I am doing now, even though life is bloody shit, somewhere there is good stuff.
Peace out,
Jules xx

Happy New Year...sort of.

2010-01-02T13:52:00.000-08:00

Well that was a nice new year... felt a tad dodgy but went ahead with the new year's eve drinks... come new year's day I am laid flat with some weird bug, couldn't breathe properly due to crap on my chest, coughing lots, either freezing cold or boiling hot, delirious the whole time, and legs terribly achey - not nice at all! The alcohol had little to do with it except make me even more dehydrated - bloody bugs.

And I think I am supposed to be working on Moday but no-one from the BBC has told me anything about when I am going back in, so... I don't have a clue.

Happy new year!!

YAY!

2009-12-18T06:22:00.000-08:00

Got my proper staff pass finally - happy daaaaaays!! I went out one door and back in another as soon as I could, just because I could, haha!

The staff party was great fun - even though I was so tired it didn't take much to get me fairly tipsy - I had a great evening and chatted to loads of awesome people, quite a few remembered me from work experience!

I walked home from the train station at 1:30am in the falling snow making fresh tracks it was magical! Been sledging today - it's all goooooood!!

Going home on Wednesday - can't wait, to be honest, I know working at the BBC is my dream but living away from home for the first time is incredibly tough and I'm looking forward to the break!

I am now in my spiritual home.

2009-12-10T15:41:00.000-08:00

I feel so at home at the BBC. It's amazing. When I looked out of the main building window from fourth floor and saw everything lit up so nicely at night and could hear the familiar tube trains going into a tunnel noise, I actually nearly cried, I was really emotional. I never thought I'd be back after my work experience, and if I did go back I never thought it would be so soon. When you walk down the corridors everyone smiles at you, from the smartest suited guys to the scruffiest jeans-and-hoodie runners. Random people strike up conversations in the canteen. It is the most fantastic and lovely place to work and I feel like I am home. Every time I look up to see the famous BBC Television Centre letters on the dotted wall I have a massive smile. I woke up today and thought I had dreamed the day before, but it was real.
Today I nearly walked into someone off the telly and didn't even realise who he was till after he was gone, I was just like, oops nearly walked into a cute guy! I also met Barney the Blue Peter dog who is gorgeous and loves a good belly rub but will get cross if you stop doing it! Everyone is so nice and helpful to me!
Tomorrow I get my proper staff pass, which lets me into the building electronically when I place it over sensors on the doors, and hopefully I will get my computer/e-mail account too - unlike the old place, we each have our own individual account no matter who we are and what our job is. My first task after that? Send a certain BBC Scotland colleague/friend an internal e-mail!!!!
BRING IT ON!!!!!

Wow...

2009-12-10T03:27:00.000-08:00

The sun is shining and the sky is blue and later today I am off to work again. Yesterday feels like it was a dream, and I am not surprised because right now I have achieved one of my dreams, and it's incredible. Yes, I am only a runner, but I am a runner at the BBC and just being there is amazing!!

I get my staff pass and all that jazz tomorrow. Can't wait!!

It's weird how stuff works out. I never did believe in fate but ever since I started the Raven forum and got invited up to BBC Scotland and realised what I should do with my life, something's been giving me a huge push in the right direction.

I'm not under any illusions that this will be an easy job or an easy ride and I know for sure that my career progression won't be a walk in the park, but I want it enough, and will surmount any challenges to get it.

This is truly a roller coaster ride and it's only just beginning. But I will never give up!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-09T03:20:00.001-08:00

I GOT THE JOB, THE ONE I REALLY WANTED, I START TEMP TODAY AND PROPERLY IN THE NEW YEAR, HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fail.

2009-12-04T10:46:00.001-08:00

Just been rung up and told I didn't get one of the jobs I was interviewed for. I knew I didn't really seem to fit in at that place! It all rests on the other now...

Got an interview at Greggs the sandwhich shop tomorrow too!! Mmmm :D

I feel depressed but also my sleep is awful and I have been ill for a while so that isn't helping :(

The good, the bad and the ugly!

2009-12-03T13:39:00.000-08:00

The good - my interview today went really well I thought, and I find out tomorrow... EVERYTHING is crossed!!! I want this so much!!!

The bad - I had my purse stolen on the tube yesterday!! The one time it wasn't in a secure place! Sorted all my bank stuff out, card was cancelled as soon as I found out, but GRRRR, it was MINE, i feel invaded and I want my purse back!! If anyone in/near finds a black/pink/white coloured camo-ish patterned Animal brand purse with stuff in to the name of Julia Edwards, can you get in contact please, I would be eternally grateful to have it returned, it would save me a lot of hassle at least and I love that purse of mine!!

The ugly - the guy on the tube who I think must have pinched my purse outta my bag - looked very suspicious... wish I'd taken more notice...

Oh my word, 2 interviews!

2009-12-01T07:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, so just when I was bricking it about my interview tomorrow, I got phoned up and invited for another on Friday! Wargh!
Will let you know how both go and then take it from there I think!

I have an interview :D

2009-11-27T13:45:00.001-08:00

Can't say where but I am reeeeeeeeally excited and very nervous... I have a big advantage on this I think... but you never know... it's on Wednesday afternoon, I will let you know how I get on. Very nervous, going to be hanging out with a mate beforehand to calm down. I hope I get it SO MUCH!! I want this very badly. Fingers crossed it goes well. I am confident. Here's hoping!!

Argh my HEAD!

2009-11-26T05:16:00.000-08:00

The night before last was the worst case of insomnia I have had recently. I was awake till 2-3am and then dipped between waking and fitful half-dozing in which I had very vivid dreams and nightmares. I was awake enough to suffer a lot but not awake enough to stop them. I'm not gonna go into what I dreamed about - that's in the very inner realms of Jules' Private Thoughts - but suffice to say, it's something that touches a nerve for sure.

The day after that (so, yesterday) I signed on at my new local job centre. It wasn't as bad as I thought - I have a cool slightly eccentric personal advisor, and everyone was nice.

I am really in deep with the lonliness and depression now. The stress is getting to me, having to manage my whole life by myself would actually be easier if I had a job to be honest. Just the getting out and seeing people makes a difference, never mind the whole 'awesome I'm working in TV' thing. Every day now is another day of my life wasting away, not reaching my goal. And all the time this is going on, my head is messing me about more and more, playing more tricks on me and sinking me deeper.

One thing's for sure, if there is one thing harder than making it as a video editor, it's making it as a depressive headcase video editor.

Ah well. Gotta keep on keeping on. As Winston Churchill said, if you're going through hell, keep on going. I will keep fighting and keep trying, because it's all I know and because I want my ambition! Badly!

Jules xx

Gaaah.

2009-11-23T05:47:00.000-08:00

So, here I am, sat here in my lovely rented room just north of London. I love it here. It's great. But right now all I can see out of the window is a very dark grey sky, and all I can hear is the rain starting up again. How appropriate.

I still haven't heard back from that company about the job they interviewed me for - they said they would get back to me 'soon' but maybe I was that awful they can't be bothered. Or I don't deserve it. Whatever. People always tell me I shouldn't think such negative thoughts about myself, but so far, all it seems to me is that I have made a total royal prat of myself, by telling everyone I want to be a video editor soooooooooo badly, making myself look so great by getting a triple distinction at college and BBC work experience and finally a job as a runner in London, then promptly crashing and burning in spectacular fashion by only lasting 2 weeks in the job.

And now it seems there are no more jobs. I am sat here every day going nowhere in my career/ambition, and that scares me. I'm scared of never making it, of never achieving my goal, scared of failing.
I just feel like such an idiot. Jules, who was going to be a video editor, and couldn't even hack it as a runner. How bad is that?! I just really want to get on in life. To work hard, work till I drop, if it means I can make it. I know what being a runner in a big company entails now and I know I can do more than I ever thought if I push myself, well the next time something comes along I will work even harder than I ever did and I won't stop.

I can't let everyone down who believes in me, I can't let all the people who said I'd never make it win, I must prove to a certain someone I am worth the time and effort and help, and most of all, I must make it for myself, a) because I love video editing and b) because I need to prove to myself I am not the worthless no-hoper I was made to believe I was.

I have been applying for normal jobs today, having just about exhausted the list of post production companies in London to apply to (suggestions are welcome!) and tomorrow I will phone up and apply for Job Seeker's Allowance - should have done it today I suppose, but it's depressing and I need to be in the right frame of mind to put up with it.

Great, it's hooning it down with rain now, I can hear it all across the house. Tempting to go for a walk in it, but it's never as good as in the films, I'd just end up soaked, it's got to the point where it's so heavy it's beyond suitable for moody walking. It's actually so heavy it's a bit alarming now!

Just took a look out of the window - our road has actually turned into a river! Luckily I live in the highest place in London - something to be very glad of right now! On that point, my condolences go to the family of the policeman swept away trying to stop people using a dangerous bridge. How awful. :(

Well, there you go I suppose, no matter how bad life is someone else's is always worse, at least I am warm and dry! Wrapped up in my roasty toasty old work hoodie. It feels a bit odd wearing it after getting sacked, but my normal hoodie is drying in the laundry and this one is the warmest thing I own right now!

Bloody hell, the WIND!!!! There are twigs and stuff flying past my window and rain blowing UP the street!! Can't see the other side of the street too well! I can hear burglar alarms going off. This is getting seriously serious here. I am going to go before this blog turns into a weather report, and check the family here are ok.

Jules xx

Blargh...

2009-11-18T10:59:00.000-08:00

Interview went fine except when I totally froze and blanked when asked about the company!! Grrrrr! No rejection e-mail yet so fingers crossed.

Had a good day out in London with my mate today. Have to go back in tomorrow to tie things up with my old work, grrrrr!! Have also confirmed to my landlord I am staying here. Be it job, benefits or savings that fund it, here is better than where I grew up.

Last chance...

2009-11-16T13:32:00.000-08:00

Bloody hell, before I have chance to recover and update fully to explain why I got my contract terminated, I have been invited for an interview at another company, I only sent the CV off Saturday night!!

Fingers crossed!!

This is may be my last chance to stay living near London. I love this place, the house, the family and the area are lovely and I really want to stay!!

SHIT. I've lost my job.

2009-11-13T12:27:00.001-08:00

Yes I lost it. Couldn't get good enough fast enough. I am DEVASTATED but I am NEVER GIVING UP!

Friday Fucking Friday

2009-11-13T05:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon was 'orribly busy... hell... today is worse!!

Woke up this morning, found one of my landlord's cats has puked/shat/done something on my carpet.

Got SOAKED fetching lunch orders, my feet/socks/shoes are still soaking, not gonna do my feet any good.

It's been a fairly quiet easy day, but it's got worse. The other runner was gonna take something up to suites 11 and 12, I said I would take it as I had the recipt for 11's lunch, of course the editor I like is in 12. Well I have been too obvious with my 12 serving so it seems. The head runner said 'go serve your sexy man then!' really loudly as I walked out of the kitchen door. In front of all the other runners, they were all in there. I just carried on like I didn't hear it, but I bet they're all talking about me and laughing about me behind my back now. I know I shouldn't care, and the head runner thinks some editors are fit, and says it, but she is popular and likes popular men types and can get away with it. I hide my feelings for fear of ridicule but I have never been able to hide them.

As I said I know I shouldn't care but it's not just normal colleague teasing, I really feel like a total misfit and outsider here. The other newbie runner gets on with everyone fine. I put part of my misfitness down to being a deal younger than the others, but I am just so different. They are popular types who like all girly stuff like going out, drinking, clubbing, make-up, Twilight, celebrities, fashion, typical hot men, all that stuff you get the picture, I like extreme sports, writing, men based on personality not just looks, I'm a quiet weirdo outsider nerd and I don't fit in here at all.

It's not gonna make me give up but it does make me miserable, however this job will get me far so I am gonna stick at it as I am sure it will all be worth it. One day. This company is a really popular one in London, and busy and tough as it is, I will learn a lot and it will look great on my CV. Just be prepared for a lot of miserable blogging as I try and tough out these 2 months.

Can't believe it's the end of my second week already.

Oh and now mixing the pasta salad and smoothie I got from M&S as a treat to myself is making me feel really sick. FUCK'S SAKE!!!!! Fuck off life.

Some troubles

2009-11-10T15:18:00.000-08:00

Hmmm. Today was uppy and downy. Someone was rude to me - welcome to the industry!! Edit 12 were a joy to work for as usual. Someone in 4 called me a total star - bless her! See, if clients are nice I will bend over backwards above and beyond my job to help! You get what you give!!

Yeah I took the head runner's annoyance at something really personally and deeply and I was in a bad mood since the rudeness that morning and I just felt like I couldn't cope, and that I was a loner. I got really upset. I wanted to burst into tears or get really angry. Eventually I went on my lunch break, while I was on it the head of all runners (not the one earlier, our kitchen/building head is a she, the head head is a he) anyway he came past while I was on the computer, he asked if I was ok and doing alright, I said sorta, and told him stuff, he sat down and everything came out. He listened and understood and didn't dismiss it as excuse making. I thought in the world of work no-one cares or would help and you had to just suck it up and deal with it, but apparently not, this guy was great, said he would talk to the runners and take it all into consideration and stuff.

I also now, thanks to a lot of encouragement from loads of people, have a shiny new notebook (proper fancy hardback thing from the stationary stock) in which I write everything down that I may need to remember. I thought I would be seen as a loser but no-one cares either way as long as I do my job ok!

Something I also take into consideration is that I am 19 and everyone else is 23ish sort of age - like I was the youngest ever on BBC Post Production work experience, I am the youngest employee at my company. Lack of life experience does count for a lot!!

Also I am SO SO happy here in my houseshare, sharing with a lovely family, in the room that used to be for an au pair for the kids. En-suite! The mate I was staying with is now not my mate. The house was way too small (this one is a huge posh town house) we had nothing in common, very different views, and tbh, she is selfish and can't see things another way.

Everyone says I am doing really well to cope with moving from rural middle England where I have lived all my life to living and working in London with no mates here. I dunno, I am just trying to do what it takes to achieve my goal!!

Tough day but some good has come out of it!!

xx

I have moved!!!

2009-11-09T14:59:00.000-08:00

...into a lovely huge house with a lovely family. Things got v bad between me and now my ex-friend. This new place is gorgeous, lovely location, huge house, the family are just great to me, train station is just up the road as is a lovely forest full of mountain bike tracks.... rent is really good. Fast ethernet internet connection in my room. Yummy!

Monday was ugh, Monday, I was very dopey and don't think the head runner was pleased with me. But hey! There's tomorrow! And the rest of the month. My probationary month. Fingers crossed...

Off to bed now - v tired and have to be up in 7 hours!!

So happy to be free.

xx

One week gone...

2009-11-08T02:52:00.001-08:00

Can't believe a week is over already!
It got harder as the week went on, worked late on Thursday, Friday was... well the day was ok, the evening... ugh. Ok, so I had been told again that I hadn't cleared the suites properly, so this evening I decided this was it, I was going to do it all or die trying.
In the evening before all the clears it was time for the alcohol run... and guess which twat, with a tray loaded with 2 wine glasses, 2 beers and a cider, all full, completely fucking stacked it on the second flight of stairs... yep, me!! Smashed the wine glasses nicely (bloody cheap anyway) and alcohol everywhere. Argh! But the head runner said don't worry at all, it's ok, she did it a while ago with some beers. Grabbed a dirty old tea towel and got mopping. Was a bit shaken but crisis over.
So, this time I set off with a tray of stuff for only one suite... 1 wine, 1 cider.
Made it up all the stairs (when will they EVER fix the lift? Do they like staff torture?) got to the door of suite 12, knocked on it, stepped back.... wheeee, bye bye wine glass. Just as the lovely cute smiley editor guy whose name I really should find out opens the door. Couldn't have been timed better if it was a scripted sitcom!!
The editor was very nice, he asked if I was ok, i told him about how I'd stacked it earlier, I was so embarrassed and said I'd go get another, and bless him, he said he'd come down to the kitchen with me and get it. Cue me heading downstairs first trying to hide my burning face as the editor followed. As he said though 'you gotta laugh really!' as by that point I was somewhere in the deep abyss between laughing hysterically and crying my eyes out all to release the stress. he told me about how, on work experience at a radio station, he'd managed to get hot chocolate ALL over the reception and the stains were still there. Bless him, he's lovely! Said good bye and have a good weekend later on too.

Andrew the lovely straightforward editor in no 6 left yesterday. He was off to rest to stave off an illness that was coming back. He gave me lots of advice about being a good runner and getting into editing, and also reccomended highly that I learn FCP 'Colour'. This was after some lady came and had a go at me in the kitchen cos there was only one toilet in the building working, and no loo roll. Well, I can't help it if the builders are in doing their stuff, and we left 4 loo rolls in the working toilet, all she had to do was ask for more, but hey, i suppose we should be more loo roll aware. I let her have a go and then walk off, then I went out to do some suite clears and Andrew came up and spoke. After all that, I cleared a couple of suites, went back into the kitchen and had a good few tears. V tired and emotional, gone through a lot, was nice to let it all out. Got all the suites cleared that night!!

Now I am off to look at a house share today and looking forward to work next week!!

xx

day 3...

2009-11-04T15:02:00.000-08:00

Crikey.
Working 11-8 shift at the mo, so plenty of chill time in the morning and home late. using mates PC as laptop wont work on wifi here, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

ANYWAY... being a runner... first 3 days have gone well. The company i work for is very big and renowned in London, and very busy. Everyone there is lovely though. i was virtually straight into work on my first day after being shown where everything in the kitchen was. still getting used to it all now. Starting to learn who are the friendliest editors, the quickest ways etc. the thing that kills me is the fact the company has 4 buildings and mine is 7 floors high. and the editor on 15 on 7th floor always wants loads of stuff!

Physically, the job is exhausting. I hardly eat these days, i am on my feet constantly, my feet kill, my back kills, my legs ache, it's really tough. The other newbie runnner admitted he was finding it tough too. he has a masters in film production and is on the same level as me, runner! all the other runners are being great. they didn't blame me when i did a food misorder and things as it happens to us all.

today was hellish at one point cos it was only me and the other newbie runner and the phone was ringing off the hook, and i made a mess of a run to an audio suite to serve a visiting vo (voice over) artist, but later on the vo artist came to the kitchen and specifically asked me if i was ok, bless him, cos i must have looked really upset and stressed. i am proud i managed to get through today and every day i push myself harder to reach limits i never thought i could, so i am so proud and enjoying the runners company and saying Bring It On!!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

I GOT THE JOB, I'M A RUNNER!!!!!!!!!!!!

First rung on the ladder... surviving in London will be tough, but I can't wait!!!!!!

So happy, can't believe it!!

Yipee!

2009-10-27T04:29:00.000-07:00

Job interview on Thursday in London.
Will keep you posted on how it goes :)

Blind faith...

2009-10-19T16:24:00.000-07:00

...is pretty much all I am feeling right now but it's positive for once, I have had a close friend kick me a friendly kick up the arse, combined with my mum going off on one again (when will she stop being randomly mental? Least I can blame any troubles on her haha) has made me wake up a bit and send some more CVs out. I think my frustration at being stuck here and my determination and dreams to become a video editor are starting to overcome the depression that's keeping me stuck here doing nothing. For now at any rate. I've also done enough to get my Job Seeker's Allowance for the fortnight, so that's my driving lessons payment sorted. Mock test tomorrow - well, later today! I best hit the hay!!
Jules

Eck...

2009-10-19T05:28:00.001-07:00

BBC replied saying they don't take CVs on a speculative basis. Blargh, how the hell do you get in there as a runner???? Gonna keep on tryin' to get a job somewhere I guess. So fed up, and still ill.

Uuuugggh.

2009-10-18T16:27:00.001-07:00

I have a cold turning into a cough and a fever. I just want my boyfriend back in my arms, and I just want a job in TV post production, in the industry I love, and a new life, away from this place.
Boyfriend will be at uni for 4 years at least now, more if he chooses to do a phd, so I am just gonna have to learn to deal with that.

I have sent my CV to the BBC and applied for a post production runner's position at a place in London.

Fingers crossed. I just want out of this life and to start the life I have dreamed of since Martin first showed me what post production and working in TV was all about back in Febuary 2007. From that day on I've only had one wish and that was to work in television. I just can't imagine myself anywhere else. When I was on work experience it all just felt so right, it felt like home. If I imagine myself in any other industry I just see myself wishing I was in telly. I know it's hard and I am ready for it, but at the same time, I just want my dream to start coming true - by getting my foot on the first rung of the ladder.

I only have one dream and I will cling onto it and make it come true or die trying, cos I will fight to achieve this dream for the rest of my life. In this day and age so many people I know my age have no direction, no ambition, they don't know what to do with their lives and they are scared to dream, or don't know how to. It's so sad. But I have a dream and one day it will become a reality.

I love video editing, I love post production, I am confident, determined, ambitious, good with people. I used to tell myself I was shit and useless because everything always used to go wrong for me and everyone said I was shit. Then I discovered TV and started doing media at college and suddenly I found something I loved and could do. I still lacked self-confidence but I was determined to prove all my doubters wrong. Now 2 years, 3 weeks BBC work experience and a triple distinction in media later, I am well on track to proving them wrong and I have gained self-belief and learnt and done more than I ever thought possible, and had the best times of my life. I can do this. Somewhere out there is the place for me to begin my dream for real, and I'm ready to go get it and grab it by the horns.

Jules the future video editor,
over and out.

Camera Lights and Snowy Action!!

2009-10-02T05:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't do freestyle nor get to Hemel Hempstead, but if anyone is up for making a freestyle vid I am happy to film & edit... anyhow, all you freestylers who want to get noticed and all you media bods who might enjoy making freestyle films... this competition is for you.

From The Snow Centre at Hemel Hempstead's Real Snow Slope...

Cameras, Snow Centre, Action!

Freestyle fanatics are invited to enter a competition to become the next Warren Miller of the snow sports world.

The Snow Centre, http://www.thesnowcentre.com Hemel Hempstead's indoor snow slope, has laucnhed a competition to see who can create the best freestyle video this side of the Alps. Season freestyle passes worth over £1,500 are up for grabs for the best overall video and the flick that generates the most youtube hits.

Entrants are encouraged to showcase their originality and flair, just like on the slopes, riding the cream of the park's features and capturing the best tricks riders have to offer. Judging the films will be The Snow Centre's director of snowsports Pete Gillespie, The Snow Centre's park shapers and diggers with attitude, The DWA, and renowned snowsports film maker Gendal.

Pete Gillespie said: "We are really looking forward to seeing videos that our freestyle community produces. The quality of riding at the park is getting more and more extreme each week and we can't wait to capture some of the UK's best talent on film for the rest of the world to see."

For more info on how to enter the Freestyle Video Competition, please go here:
http://www.thesnowcentre.com/page/68

Feelin' better!

2009-09-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

Feeling better already, cos of a few things. Importantly I am over my first interview and will be more confident next time something comes around. I also know there are several other people out there at least, going through exactly the same thing as I am.

I am surprised how well I bounced back and how quickly - but it's what I need to be able to do cos at the end of the day - this is telly!!!! It's damn hard and takes ages to get in so I will just keep trying! Nothing so trivial as one rejection is gonna stop me being a runner now and an editor one day!

I didn't get the job.

2009-09-25T05:16:00.000-07:00

As the title says.

Very depressed. I didn't think I was gonna get it realistically, I know how hard it is in TV, just upset about going back to nothingness and despair and being forced to sign on and job hunt and I just feel shite. :(

Interview...

2009-09-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

The interview was really short, it looked very busy there.
2 very nice ladies interviewed me, one came from Gainsborough where I went to school!
They told me exactly what the runner's job entailed, testing me to see if I can put up with the conditions I suppose, I said when I first set out about this career I was told exactly what it entails and it doesn't put me off cos I love post. I also brought in what I'd done as a runner on BBC work ex - they liked the fact I can use a proper coffee machine, lol.
They told me I needed attention to detail etc to make sure tapes go out complete with sound etc etc, brought in some more stuff from work ex including one from BBC Scotland where I spotted a shot in Raven with a blue marquee Sharon had missed.
They asked me all the usual questions. When I said I eventually wanted to be a video editor they asked me how long do you think it takes to get there? I said about 7 years as that's how long it took a few editors from the BBC I know. They asked me if I coud use Avid - basically, yes, and about digitising stuff - did that at London - and how much I knew about formats - more than the average college student, a fair bit.
I made them smile and laugh quite a lot, they seemed to like me, but I was nervous as hell.
The company looks very busy but a very friendly close-knit team.

Ah well, at least it's my first interview out of the way and it didn't go badly :)

I find out if I have it at the end of this week.

Nerves and stuffs

2009-09-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'm really bricking it about tomorrow...

Hunted my outfit out, need a smart belt, think I may been to polish my boots, got all my paperwork and college DVDs together, got a bag, found my smart coat, going to straighten my hair soon, thought of questions to ask... still friggin nervous!!

But really excited, genuinely, can't wait!

Hopefully this is the end of one era and the beginning of the next...

Progress!!

2009-09-17T03:32:00.000-07:00

Just been phoned up by a production company I applied for and asked to come for a chat!
Not gonna say where or when, keep it on the low down, don't wanna jinx it.
very excited, very nervous.
I'm well aware there's a big chance I won't get anything especially in the recession but I will do my best and the experience will be great anyway. :D

Arrrrrgh!

2009-09-16T04:54:00.000-07:00

Mum is getting on my case again... she's insistent I run myself into the ground job hunting and sure that if I do so i will get a job... she doesn't have a clue what I am doing, she doesn't have a clue about the industry and she doesn't seem to grasp the fact we're in a recession and jobs are few and far between anyway, let alone in TV.

I've had no replies from any companies in the Midlands or North of England - now writing to some in Scotland...

And it continues

2009-09-02T06:46:00.000-07:00

Had an e-mail back from Real Life - they don't employ runners, only researchers at entry level, and advised me I would need more experience to be a researcher. They sounded positive about work experience but rightly guessed it would be an issue to get to as I don't live near Leeds.

First rejection but a positive one, and in a way it's encouraged me and spurred me on to try harder. :)

Mother continues to make my life hell, seemingly just because I am jobless this means I am not allowed to have fun with friends or leave the prison, ahem, house, oh and she double crossed me again, said she'd pay for half the cost of my driving lesson if I did 'housework' - so yes I cooked, cleaned, washed up, hoovered, etc etc - went to ask for money and mother turned round and said housework means house repair and restoration - double crossing bitch I tell you... I can't rely on her for anything, she lies and goes back on her promises 24/7 - she'll have me in debt if I am not careful.

It's the lying that pisses me off. If you're going to be late because you're still in the office at your desk, tell me, not lie that you're just leaving the office when I can tell you're blatantly still at work cos I can hear phones ringing. If you can't afford something, say so. If you want me to do jobs for money - make it clear what you want, then stick to it and don't go back on your word. I don't mind if we can't afford things, I don't mind doing jobs, I don't mind hardship, hell knows I've had enough, but I abhor lying - it makes me so mad - it's the lowest thing you can do in some respects and she needs to grow a fucking backbone and be honest.

Maybe she doesn't want me around because I cost money and make her look bad to her friends, or maybe she's jealous I have real friends and go out and have fun all the time while she's always working and lonely or ill because she's worked too hard (yes it's her fault, if you know her, don't believe her sympathy-wanting sob stories, she knows full well how working so hard makes her that ill and she does have a choice).

I know and appreciate how bitchy and evil I sound in the above post, but look at it from my point of view. I am 19, never lived anywhere apart from the family home, never had a "proper" job (because I was too busy getting my triple distinction at college!) and the least I could ask for is just for mum to be civil in this hard time, if not some support and real encouragement, and practical help with letter writing etc. But not bullying. All what she is doing now achieves is me feeling shite and suffering from my depression, and as some of my friends who suffer know, when it kicks in, you wouldn't move to save your life let alone be bothered with letter writing.

I hope it all stops soon and I feel for the other young adults out there who have to deal with this shit and even worse on a daily basis. I also urge parents to be careful in how you deal with your kids at this stage, I know I shouldn't tell you how to do your job and you want the best for your kids, but just make sure your "best" is coming across in a nice way - as help and encouragement, not nagging and bullying. By all means kick their arse if they don't want to get a job and contribute, but if they want to get a job and are trying in this difficult economical and employment to get one - please encourage and help nicely and positively. Thanks!! :D :D

First job application sent off...

2009-08-26T09:29:00.001-07:00

Kinda nervous, dunno if I have bitten off a bit more than I can chew but a house letting company in Lincoln want a video editor for their promo videos. Job description says 'experience editing videos an advantage' so sounds like it might be feasible for me!

Today hopefully mum has printed me off some more CVs (no I'm not lazy, our printer which is only attached to mum's PC is ancient and prints black as faint brown) so I can send a CV off to Real Life in Leeds and hope they give me a job as a runner. I'd really like to work for them as they make documentaries and do stuff for The One Show on BBC, which is ace.

Another company I'm gonna send a CV to is Acrobat in Stockport - they make the DVDs for BASI (British Association of Ski Instructors), other ski DVDs, sailing DVDs, alsorts of extreme sports stuff - right up my street, they film in the Alps too, so love to work there!

Depression

2009-08-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

So now it's all over, the Featherfest trip was HELL, only post production can save that...
Also managed to fall for someone on the trip and scare them off by being too forward so I've lost a friend too...
Unemployed, bored, depressed, going out of my mind, struggling to find the motivation to write covering letters and CVs... it's taking effort just to write this blog.
I need to get doing it though, I signed onto Jobseeker's Allowance yesterday, and god knows I need the money after how much I spent on that stupid trip.
FF was ok in parts we had good giggles in the evening but other than that it was hell and I hate myself for losing this guy...
I'm now currently drowning in depression and self-hate... Wish it would fuck off and give me a break...

hello there...

2009-07-28T04:41:00.000-07:00

...so now it's all over. The Belgium trip was AWESOME and I miss my surrogate Belgian family loads. They did say if I couldn't find a job in England I should come to Belgium and stay with them and find work there! The only problem is, I don't speak a word of Dutch and am awful at languages, besides, AVID in English is hard enough!!

And now it's time to write my CV (best get on with that!!) find a job, move out, make my own life... by god it's scary.

Summer...

2009-07-02T04:10:00.000-07:00

is sodding BORING so far!
Got two mates over but no money to do anything... story of our lives, stuck here in crappyland.
However I have upcoming a trip to Belgium to stay with my mate, hopefully going to WOMAD festival (google it! boyf and his family go every year and it looks amazing!), and possibly going to see Transformers at some point. Oh yeah, and a Meadowhall trip next week. So it's not all bad.

Nothing to edit or anything - bad times! Soon as I get back from Belgium I will be talking to a guy about a one-off video job - wicked.

Oh and it's TOO HOT!!! So even if I wanted to get my bike and go bombing round Sherwood Pines - I got no transport and it's too bloody hot!

GO AWAY HEATWAVE.

It's all over now...

2009-06-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

The End of Year Show was great... but now it's all over and I feel odd!

YEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-18T09:49:00.000-07:00

I'VE DONE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRIPLE DISTINCTION IN BTEC MEDIA PRODUCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DISTINCTION IN VIDEO EDITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAY I'VE DONE IT, HIGHEST GRADE POSSIBLE!!!!!

Now...

I have a surrogate "family"...
Martin is my main support and inspiration...
Petra is a surrogate mum and also sister! And her young lad Lu is my little brother! Yes that's one complicated family :P
Chris is my darling boyfriend - that's for real that one :P
Kellie is my madness sister!
All the people on my forum are like another family to me - they're like my babysitting charges the younger ones, and Ed s like a sort of older brother.
Richard is my cuddly hamster and I look after him, well I try!
James Sa- is like my older brother and in fact we are very distantly related!
James Sp- is my lawyer!

They Think It's All Over...

2009-06-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

...It Is Now!!!

Ok, so it's not over, I have 4 more days left. Only 4. It's so surreal, it's crazy. But my final project and all my work is handed in. The feeling of pride and achievement is immense, and now I have to wait for it to be marked!

People who have already seen the documentary think it's really really good and my friends are so proud of me, I am so proud of myself, I feel so great right now despite feeling a bit ill, I feel on top of the world.

I know there are hard days ahead and a massive chance of unemployment, almost certainly so at first, but inside I am confident I will make it somehow, and if I can't get a job in media, I will try and get a job somewhere anyway. Mum keeps ""bringing me down to earth"" about ""the real world"" basically telling me I need to get a job to afford anything (well duh, I know that, I am not 4, and I want a job!) and then she tells me there's no way I am gonna get a job cos no-one will employ me or anyone (yeah thanks for the parental encouragement and confidence mum....) I am trying to ignore her. I know it's gonna be hard etc - but there is NO point stressing unncecessarily - where as she is a total stresshead without good reason. Well if she wants to make herself ill, sucks to her - I'm gonna enjoy my moment while I can.

Life has been tough and while this course represents a new start and new life for me, it's been a massive step into the new me from the hard times of the past and I am gonna enjoy my new life, cos I have worked damn hard enough for it. And anyone who wants to quibble can try living my life and see if they say the same.

But enough negativity. I am happy. And celebrating. And it feels gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrd! XD

5 days to go...

2009-06-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

...until my final deadline!!!

Everything's going nuts at the mo - and my files don't work on my home iMac. I am doing well, ahead of everyone, but I only have 3 hours on Tuesday to complete everything. Argh!

Just praying everything will be good grades...

I am not going to get my predicted triple distinction now :( which is a shame, but I am going to get great grades anyway.

Deeper than usual...

2009-06-07T14:53:00.000-07:00

Well, this post isn't really media related, but then neither was the last one, this is my video editor's quest blog, but as my life is mainly skiing and editing... yeah, anyway.

I find it a lot easier to write my feelings etc, I write stories and a lot of song lyrics, well I used to, to deal with stuff.

So...

I had been wondering how this weekend would go, in the back of my mind. Because of the two people that I was going with, one is my boyfriend Chris and the other one is a guy called Richard who I met in '06 and fell for big time.

I thought now I was with Chris I would have no feelings for Richard but apparently they're still there. I love Richard on some level - special friends I think. He's also attractive 'n' all that. But him 'n' me will never be together for a few reasons, mainly that he doesn't feel the same way about me. He likes me as a friend and finds me physically attractive, but doesn't feel for me the way I do for him. This makes me sad, but at the same time, it's good, in a cruel way. We are also at different stages in our lives, and we'd annoy each other easily, and there is an age gap... but hey. We are great mates and that is a great thing. Let's focus on the positives etc.

So yes, this weekend has been hell for me to be honest... wanting to be with both Richard and Chris - not at the same time I hasten to add!! lol. My brain apparently will never reeeeally get over Richard but I think this weekend kicked it into touch a bit.

So yeah, it has been very hard, and I spent a lot of time feeling so awfully guilty for having doubts about my feelings to both parties. But Richard has gone away again now, so things can go back to normal, hopefully I can move on.

Just need college to get over and out of the way and get some edit/runner jobs!!!

Skiing...

2009-06-07T07:58:00.000-07:00

...was excellent!!

Everyone was lovely. My ski lesson with Chemmy Alcott was great - did me loads of good - and she is really friendly, a lovely person.

I struggled with having to do the trip with my old love and my boyfriend. That was... interesting... but it's all sorted now. Was a pain at the time to say the least. Required lots of talks... and cuddles :)

Skiing was good - The Snow Centre at Hemel Hempstead is great ( www.thesnowcentre.com) :D hire skis are good actually too. Nearly killed myself on some test skis - haha. Had a spectacular fall - speedy, and painful, took far too long to hit the ground after losing control and it was painful when I finally did! Mainly bruised my back badly as I fell on it! But I am walking fine :D

The bar late at night was excellent - very funny - met a dude called Colin who is a ski boot fitter and so knows many well-known British skiers - he found out I had met Graham Bell at the BBC on my work experience - so he bloody texted Graham at 2am telling him to 'get his arse on Facebook' and blamed it on me. It wasn't me - I wasn't the drunk one!

I know have been a) asked to make a DVD about Ski Tuning for someone's business - a real job!! And b) Colin has invited me to the Birmingham Ski Show around about October - fuck yeeeeess. Bring it on!!

Ahhhh an excellent time all in all!

Weekend!!

2009-06-06T03:16:00.000-07:00

So, it's all going well - intro edited, East Kirkby feature 2 shots short of being finished, interview with BBMF pilot finished, PTC filmed... but I do have to re-write a feature to be based around RAF Waddington as supposed to the BBMF. But it's going well! And now I am off for a weekend of skiing and partying - woooop! And having a ski masterclass with Chemmy Alcott Britain's World Cup Skier. Way to go to show up my bad habits etc - LOL.

Bring it on!

Just got an e-mail...

2009-05-29T05:52:00.000-07:00

...saying I can't film at the RAF cos apparently I was rude and had a poor attitude. Not sure how they figure that one cos I immediately said sorry and that it was my mistake that I thought I could film. So now I am fucking seething with anger, I don't care if it's the bloody Royal Air Force, does not give them the right to treat civilians like shit! RAF Waddington had better go ok or I am really gonna hurt someone, cos I have had ENOUGH of being treated like this and I've just had enough of this fucking stupid project, I hate it, I never want to see a Lancaster again and I wish I had never chosen the fucking stupid topic, but done about the Bransby Horses Home or something like that. This is the worst project I have ever done, and I hate it and just want it to be over!!

Fed up...

2009-05-27T12:21:00.001-07:00

I am now fed up to the point of snapping of people's attitudes towards us and our filming and the downright rudeness, hostility, unpleasantness etc that we receive while trying to film. It TAKES THE PISS!!

Just because I am from college does not mean I do not know what I am doing, it does not mean I play pretend, and it does not mean that I have had no professional experience or that I am not going to be an industry professional one day. WE ARE THE PROFESSIONALS OF THE FUTURE! And the sooner organisations and places we film at realise that and stop treating us like dumb useless shits, the better!

And... just because I am a teenager does not make me ignorant, it does not make me a yob, it does not mean I don't care about the war, it does not mean I am useless, stupid, mess about, or know nothing. I am an aspiring ambitious successful intelligent young lady with industry experience and a great personal connection to the war effort and deep deep respect for those who gave their lives to ensure we are free today. The sooner you ""grown-ups"" realise that the better!!

And... just because I am not from the BBC, I do not have lots of fancy cameras and other kit, and JUST BECAUSE I AM NOT OFFERING YOU A SUBSTANTIAL SUM OF MONEY FOR THE PRIVILEDGE TO FILM, DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN TREAT ME LIKE SHIT!!!!! Where is the love these days, I mean, seriously?!?! Where is the morals and kindness and good values to do the decent thing and help some enthusiastic young documentary makers out for nothing? Are you all really that cold and spineless all you care about is money? Get a fucking grip, get down off your pedastal, try being nice and helping out by making stuff easy for us and you might get more business in future - cos teenagers are the ones who are heavily networked, opinionated and influential!

Yours, a very pissed off future BBC video editor.

Presentations and filming.

2009-05-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

My presentation didn't go well yesterday. I rushed and stumbled on my words and the video didn't work, so it wasn't too good really! Hope it won't affect my grade :/

Today's filming of the Lancaster at East Kirkby went ok, we got an hour of footage, we also encountered a lady, member of staff, who was extremely rude and short with us for absolutely no reason. Maybe cos we were teenagers? Or just from college? Well, news to them, we're not typical teenagers, we DO give a toss about the war, the Lancaster means a lot to each other, and the ocllege kids now are the professionals of the future!

But both the brothers who own the Lancaster and the ground crew were nice and helpful which made up for it a fair bit, and we got a lot of good footage.

Now extremely tired!

I f**king hate presentations!

2009-05-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

I sodding hate my pitch presentation.

Ok, so I have FINALLY written over 6 minutes of speech... need to test it out 'live' to see how it is in length, the rest of the time (no more than 4 minutes) of it can be/will be video footage.

Now to pitch the documentary idea to "comissioning editors"...

I'm a sodding wannabe video editor! Vid ed's don't do pitches! I'm not a director or producer, I'm an editor who is quite happy hiding in an editing suite, not doing paperwork or all the organisational crap! I really dislike standing up in front of people and doing presentations. Not looking forward to this! Got to have it polished to ten minutes EXACTLY by Tuesday. FFS. Impossible!

Mixed day

2009-05-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today would have been good, had certain things not happened, like me being tired, the weather being bloody awful and the other girl in my class not being an immoral unethical hypocritical spoilt fashion obsessed you-know-what... long story but to cut it short, she got on the wrong side of my vegetarian ethics when I was stressed about work as a result ended up getting called a sick immoral bitch! Will serve her right for interrupting me and the tutor I suppose! Not like me to get riled up these days, but I guess it's just one of them times... meh!

BUT the good news today is the tutor has agreed to come and film with me at East Kirkby on the demonstration day when the BBMF Lancaster is going a flying display, AND I have an interview organised with a guy who is an ex-BBMF pilot and his dad flew in the Lancaster in World War II, so at least I will have some kind of footage to make a program with! Still behind schedule and the interview is being filmed at the start of my post production week, so cutting it very fine, but that's my speciality so it's not over yet!

And a big thanks to my wonderful darling boyfriend who bought me a big Mocha and posh cookie in Cafe Nero and made me feel looooads better - I love him so much :D

Hoooooooly crap......!!!!!!!

2009-05-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

Oh my GOD i have SO much to do... FINALLY got an interviewee, he's not available until 1st June at least! That's my first post production week!
Geez my Final Major Project is soooo much work, I have filming a week today, it's the ONLY filming I have confirmed, nothing and nobody from the BBMF visitor centre has got back to me, and I still need to organise aerial filming and find archive footage. Oh GOD! I am NEVER EVER being a producer!

Progress...

2009-05-08T02:58:00.000-07:00

So, I'm on top of all my work, and handed my editing essay in (on time!!) which should at least get a Merit I hope, seeing as a BBC editor helped me it should get a distinction!! However it's my work so I always think I'm crap and I've failed... hopefully not!

Now doing the pre-production paperwork for the Final Major Project which is a total nightmare! So much to organise and people aren't being helpful in replying to e-mails etc...

Tutor still blames me for getting behind on all my work when he never sent my sodding assignment brief to me while I was in London. Idiot man. He will never admit he's got too much on with that job, well it's college's fault to be honest, making him do the work of three people cos they're too tight to hire the right amount of staff!

Onwards and upwards

2009-05-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

Well, today I've left my writing pad with all my notes in at home, so FAIL, but last night mate from BBC came on msn and gave me loads of advice, so I actually have some confidence I might not totally flunk this essay. However I don't have the Doctor Who DVDs either, so analysing a particular sequence will be tricky.
Hey ho, to youtube, if there are any vids on there...

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

2009-04-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

Hmmm yes, this wartime motto applies to both swine flu and college work!
Final major project is massive, so much organising and a nightmare, really must start on shooting script etc.
Very stressed at the mo, haven't slept enough, too much work and needing my BBC mate to come on msn and help me! Joy...
Short post cos I am tired, wish me luck for the next month etc...

Monday monday...

2009-04-27T05:34:00.000-07:00

I'm actually doing some editing today! And for once, I'd much rather be playing on the PS2. My best mate and my boyf are beating the digital crap out of each other on Timesplitters 2 while I beat the physical and digital crap out of the worst edit ever, the one for my single camera drama for college. I can't wait till all this is over.

On the upside I know what I am doing for my Final Major Project, after I attended the talk 'A Tale of Two Lancasters.' I am going to do a documetary about the Lancaster - not only cos it's fantastic, but also cos it's close to my heart - my father, who passed away in 2007 aged 81 (yes, I know it's a bit odd that and my mum being 25 years younger) but my father was a midupper gunner in the Lancaster and was about to go to war in the middle east when fortunately the war ended. Only 4 of the original 7 crew of his Lancaster are still alive today, but since 1997 they've had a reunion every year, and I'm proud of my father and his crew and my heritage.

So, I am going to make a documentary about the Lancaster, using all the knowledge, passion etc I have and the contacts the family has. It's going to be awesome, I want to knock the socks off college!

http://www.gurkhajustice.org.uk/

2009-04-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.gurkhajustice.org.uk/

scroll down on that page and sign the petition.

I don't see why the people who helped us win the war get nothing and lazy wasters/chavs get everything out of our stupid twisted goverment!!

Sign it and let's get justice! Takes only a few seconds. Do something good today!

4 units, 4 days, 1 girl...

2009-04-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

So, nearly finished my experimental video, literally 2 titles to put on the end!
Those who've watched it seem to like it, so I can live in the hope I won't actually fail this unit.
But - I've still got loads of paperwork to do for this unit. And here's what I have to do before Tuesday. I have to edit my single camera drama (just horrible, I hate it so much) do all my pre-production work (haha) and production work (haha) and logging (rofl) and then an evaluation (no it's not funny anymore) THEN I need to finish my professional brief by handing in all my pre-production work (I was in bloody London when my tutor was supposed to send me the brief to do this!) and any other research and paperwork. After that I need to complete all the paperwork and research for experimental video and do an evaluation, then decide on a topic for my final major project, research the feasibility and submit my proposal.

ARGH!

But I'm in a good mood :D oddly!!

Not so good.

2009-04-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

Right now I am feeling constantly edgy, anxious, stressed and depressed. I had a chat with my tutor today and although I have a lot to catch up on it's not that much and he is confident I can do it. I still feel really off balance at the moment, just really hoping my depression's not going to kick in for real. I am very tired from not being able to sleep which doesn't help, woke up at 5:30am this morning for absolutely no reason. Grrr!

Today was good cos I actually started on my experimental video, but everytime I move a clip or change any properties I need to render it out and it takes ages, and I'm gonna have to use some different footage cos this is doing my head in and seriously hampering my progress. I felt so down and stressed and had to take time out occasionally just because my head felt like it was going to explode from everything.

Tutor has handily made a list of everything I have to do this week, so I'll get working and ticking stuff off...

Can't wait to leave college and chill. Geez, if I can't hack college, I have no chance in TV! But at the same time I am doing something I struggle with and don't want to do at the moment which is nothing to do with my future career. As for final major project... been hampered by transport issues. Need to sort that out too.

Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!

Flight 666

2009-04-21T16:11:00.000-07:00

Went to see the new Iron Maiden film tonight with my Maidenhead nutter boyfriend, we both thought it was awesome and I'm currently getting into Maiden. Ohhh yes :D :D :D

In other news, college are complete disorganised useless arseholes hell bent on screwing my future up, and my stupid non-working brain is finishing it off for them.

2 days to think of, film, edit, do paperwork for and complete experimental video. Fuuuuuuuck...

Byebye holidays... hello college :(

2009-04-20T04:07:00.000-07:00

College tomorrow. SHIT.

I have an essay to finish (gonna start on that in a sec) and an edit to finish (do that when I get home on my iMac) if I'm not going to get my arse kicked out when I go back to college. I might have other work to do, probably an evaluation or two, I'll cobble something together for the Single Camera Drama edit.

Work I don't mind, the essays etc annoy me but that's part of a college or uni course... I just hate college as a whole... fed up with class members with a problem with me, fed up of corrupt and biased tutors and an evil head of department who'd love to see me kicked out - he tried to but then I went and got BBC work experience so he couldn't really justify kicking me out with that, lol.
I could go in to what college have done to screw me over and make my life harder, but it'd be a long list. I don't want a fuss, or sympathy, I just wish they'd fuck off and stop making a hard career path even harder. I'll do pretty much whatever it takes to reach my dream, including putting up with being surrounded by complete pricks, but it doesn't mean I like it, or it's necessary for them to be like that.

I just have to keep telling myself, a month and a half to go until I can walk out of college's doors forever, hopefully with a good grade! But after that I don't have a clue, I'm pretty scared about what happens after that, I have to get a job, bloody impossible in these current times, move out, etc etc, dunno if I am ready, well I guess I am, I really do want to move out and get working in the industry, but at the same time, I think it's gonna be very hard to get there!

Here's hoping...

Camcorder update

2009-04-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

So it turns out the camcorder is fine, but the charger isn't! When not plugged in, the camcorder will turn on, but plug the charger in and it turns off, or won't turn on or charge. Took it to the Sony centre and they didn't have a clue why it was doing it! But I asked them to try it with a different charger, and the camcorder worked fine, so I just need a new charger, which they tell me will cost me £50. Geez almighty, my camcorder was £160 nearly two years ago! You'd think they'd be a bit less pricey. But at least Sony still stock them, which is good. They didn't have any in stock but gave me a number and model numbers, so I can order one on the phone - that's if I don't find a cheaper one on the internet at some point!

Camcorder has gone kaput!

2009-04-15T07:49:00.003-07:00

Won't turn on, won't charge, and won't pop the tape out with the skate footage on! Gutted!!
Taking it to the Sony centre as soon as I can. :(

Skate video

2009-04-15T03:24:00.000-07:00

So, the filming went ok yesterday. I don't think the guys laid down enough different and decent tricks, but we'll see what we can salvage. I also have some footage of some pretty good lil rollerbladers who wanted to see themselves on film, so I gave them my youtube username (lulijatheravengirl, I really need a less laughable one) and told them to keep an eye out for a general video of the day.

Thanks to Dave, Jacob and Richard the skaters, and Skegness skate plaza for being awesome and having such an open attitude to filming. The first thing you see when you walk in is notices everywhere going 'Warning, filming or photography may be taking place!' Most sports places ban non-commercial or indeed any photography/filming (CoughXscapeCough) so it's really refreshing to see somewhere that welcomes the filming of others' prowess (or not lol) at the sport. The main guy at the front desk even took my camcorder and charged it in a safe place so I could carry on filming with someone else's and not have to sit with mine. It's lovely to just be able to film and not worry about it. All the little kids loved it too - all desperate to be on camera!

Where. Am. I. Going?!?!

2009-04-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

Just feeling very meh, I guess. Everyone's off to have a happy little party, orgy, whatever, all together in York, living it up, the uni life etc. Getting drunk all the time, sleeping with tonnes of random people etc etc. Or something like that. Whatever happens, I won't be there. I just wish I knew where I was going...

Everything's gonna change after summer. I have to move out, get a job... no idea where, either. Wherever will take me, wherever the work is. The only thing I know for sure, is that everything's gonna change. I don't know how, where I'll go... just, nothing's gonna be the same again.

And that's natural I guess, things have to move on and progress. I know I do want to start again, well, start a new chapter of my life, away from this area, in TV, my own life... but, I'll miss things about my old one.

I guess I'll just deal with it. After all, I want to be a video editor more than anything. Or I did. I think I still do, deep inside. I'm just getting bogged down by how life is right now. The future might not be less hard, or simpler - but it's one step further towards my goal - and therefore happiness.

Easter Eggs!

2009-04-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am posting a special blog post about... Easter eggs. Yes, I know loads of people get loads of eggs. Me? My mum never actually bothered/remembered to get me an egg. This year I saw a Mini Eggs egg. It was on offer at Tesco and (here's a random fact about me) I LOVE Mini Eggs. And it had a Mini Eggs mug! So I got it. :D

But that was just the start of the epic...

Egg #2 and Egg #3 came at the same time. Egg #2 - cos I saw it first - was a Top Gear one from my mum, thankfully smaller (I am gonna be so fat!) but it came with a Stig mug <3 amazing!!
Egg #3 is a Kit Kat Sensations egg from my boyfriend's mum - and yep, it has a Kit Kat mug.
Win, win, win.

Egg #4 - well, since boyf's parents are away on holiday (they left the egg for me) we went to boyf's grandma's house for Easter lunch. And after a lunch involving eggs, boyf's lovely grandma gave us an AFTER EIGHT egg each! (Ok, so his family are loaded to various degrees in various ways) but After Eights - mmmm! And guess flippin what... it came with a mug.

So.. yes. I may sound sad. Or like I'm rubbing it in your face. Which I'm really not! Please, come and be my guest and eat my flipping eggs. I'm going to be fatter than a Chirstmas pudding! (Ok, wrong Christian festival, but yeah!)
It's just so... amazing... to get eggs and have people think of me. I would have gotten my mum one but she hates chocolate.

Incidentally - my boyfriend hasn't gotten me an egg. He's my real friend, for trying to keep me thin!
If you read this hun, I love you! For everyone else - thankyou, so much, I really needed some new mugs, but if anyone wants chocolate - get in touch! xx

I'm back in blighty!

2009-04-12T04:17:00.000-07:00

I had an awesome ski holiday - Chamonix was great, my skiing improved loads and I was really ripping those pistes up. Now hating being back home, except seeing my boyfriend again, which is wonderful! But just trying to not get stressed again... still got all my work to do...

On the up side, I've been wondering what to do my final major project about, and as college won't pay for me to go to France and make a ski movie, I'm considering doing a documentary on the local horse sanctuary, Bransby Home of Rest for Horses. http://www.bransbyhorses.co.uk/

I love animals, horses rock,and I've adopted a Shetland pony from there called Rusty who is a day older than me! He's very sweet too. The charoty have been on TV in the past - Pet Rescue, I was told - but have no video on their website or anything - so could be a good chance for work for me and promotion for them.

I also have to make a video about the last working in-business windmill in the UK - I've had this project on for ages, but still no idea what to do for it! Need a director.

Ski Sunday!!

2009-04-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

Well yes, it is Sunday and good skiing has been had! First 'fall' today - I just stayed on my feet, but ended up facing up the slope, skis in big V, hands on snow - tired and in heavy snow = not good! Been a lovely day though. The snow is ideal about 11am, and some great places for carving. Went on the train through the valley today - what a ride!! Found an amazing bargain ski shop too so going shopping tomorrow. Hopefully mum will come up the gondola and go snowshoeing tomorrow!
Right, going to order another coke and earn my right to use this wifi in this bar - tis rather good - watched Liverpool win in here yesterday - Irish bars in France FTW!

Editor en France!

2009-04-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

Bonjour et bienvenue! Aujourd oui moi arrivee en Chamonix, et je fai du ski!
Ok, apologies for my REALLY bad French. Hello and welcome! Today I arrived in Chamonix and went skiing! All the rushing about has been hell but the hostel here is lovely - wish I was staying here all week - but tomorrow we move into the apartment in town. It's really out of the way up here, and the bus service is crap! Can't believe it, Chamonix and all! Anyway, the snow is ok, went up Le Tour today, was great, but I am SO SO tired and achey, haven't slept properly in 2 weeks, haven't eaten properly for 2 days, finally had a good meal tonight here at the hostel. Now drinking a coke and chilling in the hostel, had two hard fought games of scrabble with mum, after this hour of internet I am going to BED!! Sooooooo tired! Dunno if I will have internet for the rest of the week - need to find a wifi cafe!
Anyhow I shall go and internet and try not to fall asleep!
Jules

Skiing...

2009-04-01T13:57:00.000-07:00

I'm getting very excited about it! I need sleep and I'm not gonna get it anytime soon, got a banging headache etc, but still can't wait to get on that plane... and sleep LOL. Bring it on. Just me and the mountain... perfect escape.
Now... to fit my camcorder and laptop into my hand baggage... and get it past the size limits...

Hi

2009-04-01T06:10:00.001-07:00

Welcome to my blog. It may be updated, it may not be, I'll try not to be too overdramatic lol, but rather see this as a log for my progress towards my goal, a squee-ing ground for the good things happen, and no doubt venting space for when stuff isn't so good!

The sun is shining, the sky is blue, I'm happy for the first time in a month or so, I'm heading off on my ski holiday tomorrow... leaving behind all the college work I have to do! Oh well, will be done soon!

Something editing related? Well I am sat in college class watching everyone edit their experimental videos (do not get me started on experimental - suffice to say the assignment brief says it's a minority interest and there's no money in it - so WHYYYY?!) and yeah, anyway, looking around at everyone's videos made me think a lot of my class really are on acid!